Just Me

Today – October 12, 2019 – is a special day for me. It marks two years of being sober. The night that I took my last drink, on October 11, 2017, I never realized that it would be my last. It had been a normal day for me, with another round of beers that I would consume. I had been drinking heavily every day for several years and had experienced many health problems because of it, but on that night, the “health problem” that I experienced was almost the death of me. I didn’t know it at the time, but I later learned that the pancreatitis my chronic drinking caused could be fatal if left untreated. So if it hadn’t been for my oldest child calling 911 on that night as I was lying in bed and writhing in pain, I might not have made it. I have never forgotten that lesson ever since and I have never forgotten being loaded into an ambulance then looking out to see my children scared and crying. I never forgot that I was the one that did that to them. These memories are one o...

Every morning, I turn on the news to see what's going on in the world. But on September 11, 2001, I had not turned on the news that morning. Instead, I was chatting with an online friend. She was talking about the attacks and how big of an impact it is going to have in the future. Of course, I didn't know what she was talking about, so I asked. Her only answer was that I should turn on the news. So I did, and I was stunned at the news coverage I was watching. America had been attacked by terrorists. At first, I was trying to wrap my brain around what had happened. Was this real? Did this really happen to us that morning? Were people really dead because of terrorists hijacking planes and crashing them into buildings?  Unfortunately, yes. This was very real. This had really happened.  My shock turned to sadness then anger. I was so devastated and I was soon crying as I watched the continued coverage of the attacks. I was stunned to witness the coverage of people jum...

Before summer started, I had one goal: Read as much as possible. I was going to spend as much time reading as I could. During the school year, I have a system: I read 3 books 3 times a day. But for the summer, I wanted to read more than 3 books. And I wanted to be reading more than 3 times a day! Well, it looks like I was able to achieve that goal. I was reading A LOT this summer. And thanks to having books on my phone, I was reading at work during the slow periods, too. When I chose what books to read this summer, I decided to just put together a mish-mash of books on different topics. I love fiction, so I was sure to include some novels. I also love poetry, so of course I added poetry books to my line-up, as well. In the end, I had 13 books to read. More were added as I finished books – such as a poetry book. Some of the books I had already been reading and I wanted to finish reading them over the summer. And other books I started reading in late June and ...

Last night, as I was cooking dinner, I had to stop for a minute and just think about how this night one year ago was so different. One year ago, I had to be taken to the hospital. On October 11, 2017, I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. I was diagnosed with pancreatitis and part of my recovery included being put on a 72-hour fast. During this time, I was extremely sick and constantly vomiting. It was horrible. The reason why I got pancreatitis was because I had been drinking too much alcohol. At that time in my life, I was drinking every day. Sometimes, I would drink a whole 6-pack of beer by myself in a day – and want more. My drinking was really bad. I managed to get through the next day all right but after the sun went down, I was drinking again. It was every single day (when I wasn’t sick) and it was pretty bad. I didn’t want to acknowledge that I was an alcoholic. I didn’t think I had a problem. But I was, and I did. Getting pancreatitis put me through hell. I thought I ...

I love to read, and I try to read every day. Not just poems I get in email, posts on my Facebook feed or the Twitter feed, or articles I find of interest to read in the news notifications I get on my phone or through email. I love to read books – A LOT. And I can never just read ONE book at a time. I have to read several. And when a coworker told me she was able to read books on her phone, too, that changed everything. Normally, I read three books at a time when I am on schedule: A nonfiction book, a novel, and a history book. (I have two shelves of history books! It’s my favorite subject.) But there have been times when I am off schedule – when I have to work or I have doctor appointments or meetings that are not the typical “work meetings” that are scheduled every other week. (For example, next week I have to attend a meeting that will last for several hours, and I will be off schedule on that day.) On weekends, I will read a “weekend book” (currently a collection...