Just Me

Today is the first day of Fall. It’s my favorite season and I’m excited about getting just a bit closer to being able to put up all of my Halloween decorations. Now that I have my hallway back, I can bring back the Hall of Horrors! Yay!   But this new cycle of the year is not just about that or even about the return of the Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks. Though all of that is nice!   No, the reason for this blog post is that I had something happen recently, and with a message I received today, it really made me think!   As part of getting sober, I make it a point to do the things that I need to do in order to make peace with my past. This includes shadow work, exposure therapy, meditation and journaling. These things help me to come to terms with a lot of bad stuff that happened in my past. I will often remember the bad things that I did and once again fall into a pattern of self-loathing and insecurity. No matter how much I try to remind myself that I am no...

I did something on my personal Twitter account yesterday that I don't normally do: I tweeted a bunch of personal stuff – stuff I would not publicly say because there are just too many people out there who don’t understand or don’t care. Plus a lot of trolls! So what’s tweeting about it going to achieve? Nothing! I needed a more productive method of getting all of those words out, so I decided that I will spend time this week focusing inward and writing about it.   I was planning to write about all of it in my memoir and I figure now is as good a time as any to do that! Hopefully it will heal my broken heart.   I am not worried about getting things wrong when I write about all this in my memoir. That dream brought EVERYTHING back -- everything I was trying to forget. That was part of why I was hurting and crying so much afterward. I have a file folder of all chats and email exchanges between me and him. I also have two blog posts: this and this one . Plus the benefit o...

I usually don’t pay too much attention to my dreams. I usually just think about them then get on with my day. Past experience has taught me that I can never again allow my dreams to have too much influence over me. I cannot obsess over my dreams like I used to. Yes, they are fun to study and learn about. Some of my dreams provide interesting insights. But I had a very painful experience and ended up hurting people just from getting all obsessed over my dreams! So, no more of that.   But the dream I had last night keeps really tugging at me. It brought back painful memories and made me once again question whether something I want to do is a good decision or not.   First, some background. I lost my hearing when I was 13. I caught spinal meningitis and that was how I became deaf. My hearing loss was gradual; it was several years until my hearing was completely gone. This was devastating for me. For 13 years of my life, I was immersed in the hearing world. I enjoyed list...