Just Me

“Every time I try to DO something, things go wrong!” This is a common complaint I make when once again, my attempts to accomplish a goal go horribly wrong. I have been saying this for years because, yes, my plans get thwarted! Sometimes I chalk it up to my chronic case of having bad luck or because of a huge misunderstanding that ruins EVERYTHING (like a friendship I had for years that a “friend” ended over one such misunderstanding). Or I just chalk it up to life knocking me down all the damn time.   Well, I may get knocked down, but I’m still going to get back up!   But now I am saying that very thing again, because, once again, my plans were shot down!   As part of creating this “new life” for myself after getting sober, I wanted to start being more physically active. In the past, I spent HOURS sitting down to write and read. And I’m doing it again! This damaged my health and made me neglect taking care of myself. I soon realized that I was going back to th...

Several months ago, I decided that one of my fitness goals would be to run in a race and NOT come in last. Because that’s exactly what happened when I ran in a race while participating in cross country at a high school I attended (Monta Vista High School – just one of the high schools I attended!). Even though my coach was with me at the time and everybody was still excited and happy that I had completed the 5K run, I still felt bad that I came in last. That really sucked! And as part of my “new life” in sobriety, I not only wanted to make physical fitness a part of my daily life, but I also wanted to set some goals. I’m a goal-setter! It's not enough just to do something; I have to set a goal for it!   So, yeah, running in a race became that goal.   So I asked my doctor (my PCP) if I could start running again. She said yes, and to start small. She told me I had to go slow at first and I took this to mean short sprints while I was out on my walks.   But when I...

I did something on my personal Twitter account yesterday that I don't normally do: I tweeted a bunch of personal stuff – stuff I would not publicly say because there are just too many people out there who don’t understand or don’t care. Plus a lot of trolls! So what’s tweeting about it going to achieve? Nothing! I needed a more productive method of getting all of those words out, so I decided that I will spend time this week focusing inward and writing about it.   I was planning to write about all of it in my memoir and I figure now is as good a time as any to do that! Hopefully it will heal my broken heart.   I am not worried about getting things wrong when I write about all this in my memoir. That dream brought EVERYTHING back -- everything I was trying to forget. That was part of why I was hurting and crying so much afterward. I have a file folder of all chats and email exchanges between me and him. I also have two blog posts: this and this one . Plus the benefit o...