I am Not Ignoring You, I am Just in a Zone!

Several years ago, someone emailed me saying that she was happy to find someone else out there in the world who was not only a burn survivor but also deaf. Unfortunately, at the time I received the email, I was hip-deep working on one of my many projects, so it was some time before I was able to respond to her email. And when I finally did, she read me the Riot Act for taking so long to respond to her email. I tried apologizing but, unfortunately, never heard from this person again.

 

This is not the first time this has happened. It has happened with MANY other people getting upset over my very delayed replies to their messages.

 

Thankfully, I have friends who are more understanding about my neurodiverse ways, as well as my VERY BUSY life, so they don’t make a federal case out of me taking some time to get back to them. Still, I feel guilty about being unable to respond to messages and then jump right back in to whatever else I was doing.

 

Take today, for example. Today is Newsletter Day, but shortly after I woke up this morning, I saw a message on my phone from a friend who needed money for food. I couldn’t concentrate on that then and there, because I was too focused on my newsletter. After spending some time finalizing the template and getting some other writing done, I was able to respond to their message to let them know that I would help them out in a bit.

 

But this is just an example of how things are with me. Once I’m in a zone, it’s hard to switch to other things and then get back into that zone! I can’t jump from one task to another and back. It’s too difficult for me to keep my focus when doing that. I have to keep my focus centered on what has my complete attention at that time until I no longer need to focus on it. If I allow myself to get distracted by EVERYTHING, then I’ll get distracted by everything, and nothing will get done.

 

Some people may take all of this the wrong way, though. They’ll think I am ignoring them or simply not making them as much of a priority as they want to be. Or that once I have completed my interaction with them, I feel like I don’t need to talk to them ever again and choose to not respond to them. Or they’ll come up with the wrong ideas about me because they don’t know me or understand the kind of life I live.

 

And none of what they think to explain away my lack of a response is true.

 

I have to focus on what currently has my attention. If I’m in a zone, I have to stay in that zone until I am done with the task, or else I will make mistakes or forget things when jumping back into it.

 

I also have routines. I have a way of doing things. Getting messages while I am doing those things is not going to make me stop to respond to your message right away then jump back into what I was doing. I will finish my routine or what I was doing FIRST then give your message my full attention. And people have gotten upset over this.

 

And when I'm reading? I'm not reading and looking at my phone at the same time. I'm READING! If I get a text or a message, then I won't stop reading to answer that text or message. I have gotten grief over this too. 

 

Additionally, I put things into mental “categories.” For example, a discussion about something related to a book I am writing will be resumed once I get around to working on that book again.

 

Some things require me to mentally prepare for the task at hand. If there is a subject related to a certain topic needs to be addressed, then I will address it once I can get into the right frame of mind to address it. This is why I don’t handle surprises or things happening on short notice very well.

 

I am glad that I have people in my life who are more understanding about this. For those who get offended over it or believe the wrong impressions about it and chose to never speak to me again, I can only hope that someday they will understand that not everybody thinks the way that they do.