This is Me, Throwing Myself Back to the Vultures

 Last year, I saw a posting from a writer friend that said there was one year where she challenged herself to only submit her work to paying markets. I thought that was an interesting challenge so I decided to do it, too.

 

Little did I know just HOW MUCH of a challenge it is!

 

So when January 2025 came around, that’s what I did. However, I soon realized that I have a soft spot for charity anthologies, and I REALLY wanted to have work included in anthologies that support charities which I believe in. So, I made an exception to submit work to charity anthologies. Then I saw friends posting about calls to submit to their nonpaying anthologies and E-zines. I liked what I saw and wanted to support them and their new venture, so I made another exception. And, in the end, I decided, okay, I will ONLY submit to the nonpaying stuff on Fridays.

 

And you would think that submitting my writing to only the paying publications meant I would be able to make enough of an income to support myself (I have to pay for my medications) and my family (our rent keeps going up and the cost of groceries is outrageous these days), but that is NOT the case.

 

See, editors of paying publications are VERY selective of what they will accept.

 

I’m a nobody in the writing world, so I’m an easy rejection.

 

And when you’re competing with top names in the field, they will choose the top names.

 

And when an editor can only accept so many submissions for a publication, they will be VERY selective on what they accept. And, usually, that’s not me.

 

So, no, my decision to only submit my writing to paying markets has not resulted in me having EVERYTHING I have submitted to a paying market being accepted and me being paid!

 

That has not been the result, so if a writer thinks that will happen if they do this challenge too, then forget it. It won’t.

 

And I have also sent out countless pitches in answer to calls put out by paying publications. There is one publication I have worked with many times who has only rejected one such pitch. Another one also rejected one of mine as well. But with others I have not worked with, and editors who did not know me, they have rejected my pitches.

 

So I am reflecting on all of this now, after four months of having done all of this. And I have realized that this is no longer something I can rely on for an income.

 

I will continue to submit to paying calls, but only if I have something to submit. And as with everything else, I won’t put much hope into an acceptance. I won’t expect anything, really. (The more you don’t expect anything, the less disappointment you deal with!)

 

My book sales have not been enough to help me support myself and my household, and neither has the work I have been doing for the publishing company.

 

So, that said, I need to once again try to get a job outside of the home. Of course, I have a lot of anxiety about it. I am neurodiverse, and that DID NOT go over very well with one job I had. My deafness means I have communication barriers with hearing people, so I need to find something that does not require that I talk to people. (Good luck with THAT, right??) Plus, I have burn scars on my face, and I really truly believe that as nice as people try to be, they take ONE thing I do that they don’t like and decide to get rid of me. (I know how it is with people!)  And according to one other boss I had, I work too slow. I also have a sleep disorder, and if they see me yawning while working, they’ll think I’m lazy or bored. I also have a panic disorder, so there’s zero sympathy or concern if I suddenly have a panic attack. They'll just yell at me to get back to work! I have bad night vision, so I can’t work at night or so early in the morning that it is still dark. And because of my heart condition, I can only work a part-time desk job.

 

Yeah, I got a lot of odds piled up against me. But the reality is, my writing is not bringing in the kind of income that we need. So it’s back to the working world I must go!

 

I’m not happy about it, because I know I’m going to have to deal with more bullshit from people, more discomfort from people because I’m not beautiful, and more grief over my tendency to get confused or misunderstand things. But it is what it is.

 

I just hope I can find something.

 

I'm still going to write, though. And keep working for the publishing company. Something has to bring me joy, and these things do.