Don’t Allow the Horrors You Have Lived Through Turn You into a Horrible Person

Some of the people I have been emailing for years might have noticed that I have a new email logo. It’s the one I use for my website, “Dawn in the Dark.”

 

 

My friend, Christy Aldridge, made it for me and I absolutely love it!

 

Thing of it was, I created the Dawn in the Dark website because I wanted something specifically for my horror books. I write other things besides horror, so I wanted something set apart from my regular author site for this purpose.

 

The idea for “Dawn in the Dark” came about several months ago when my sister was putting together ideas for her forthcoming store. She wanted to be able to sell my books through her store, so she asked me to create a brand for all of my horror and paranormal books in her store. Eventually, I decided on “Dawn in the Dark” and I got busy creating a website for it. Then, later, I got the logo for this brand. Earlier this year, my sister asked me to write a novel featuring this character, so I have been working on this as well. Putting the logo into my email photo was meant to serve as inspiration for this character more than to push the brand.

 

But even as I have a “Dawn in the Dark” brand for my horror and paranormal books, I am not really “Dawn in the Dark.” Yes, on a personal level, I do struggle with chronic depression, but I do not allow it to take control over my life.

 

After getting sober nearly eight years ago, I vowed that I would never again allow all of the horrible things I have been through in my life to have that kind of power over me. Part of the thing that kept me drinking for so long was constantly dwelling on all of the bad stuff in my life and living in the past. I had an awful childhood, went through some awful things in my teen years, and even adulthood brought on some more horrors in my life. I truly feel that the alcohol I consumed transformed me into a bad person. It just REALLY messed me up and I was cruel to others in return to being cruel to myself. I was the stereotypical self-destructive type of person who no longer valued life. And I let all of that stuff get to me. I stayed in the past, reliving horrors I survived every day, and dwelling on all of the hurtful things 24/7. I also had a serious case of self-loathing and I hated my life too.

 

I said goodbye to ALL of that after I finally kicked the drinking problem for good. That person died in that hospital and she is not coming back into my life ever again.

 

Yes, I still get very depressed at times, but I am stronger now and able to hang in there until my episode of depression passes. And it DOES eventually pass!

 

And, for the most part, I am very happy with my life and I’m happy with myself too. I have learned to love myself and appreciate my strengths.

 

Now, some people may think that with the publication of my poetry book, 3 A.M.Poetry, I still struggle with the horrors from my past. But this is not true. I have finally made peace with all of those things. Unlike my “Dawn in the Dark” character in the novel, I will no longer allow the horrors I have survived turn me into a horrible person.

 

Been there, done that. Won’t do it again!

 

Nope, that book was just me getting a book I wrote many years ago published. A book about some bad things I went through in the past.

 

These days, I no longer live in the past. I am focused on my present and, despite the bad things going on in the world right now, I have hope for the future.

 

Now, I could allow the horrible things I went through in the past turn me into a horrible person, and KEEP me that way. But I don’t want to be like that. I may love horror and put up a front of indulging in the macabre just for scares, but I choose to have light in my life, not darkness.

 

Perhaps my writing (and someday acting) in horror allows me to satisfy that part of my past angry over what happened and demanding retribution or demanding that I follow suit and be like the monsters who hurt me, but that is not my whole life. I do write a lot, but writing is not my life. I balance the writing life with my personal life, which includes indulging in healthy activities like exercise and spending time with my kids. It’s like the combination of yin and yang, darkness and light.

 

 

While it is true that a cruel start in life can result in a cruel adulthood, we DO have a choice on which path we can take. I have been down the dark path and have had quite enough of it. I’ll stay on the path of light from now on.

 

But the thing that most people fail to understand is that the bad things we go through in life are NOT meant to turn us into bad people and they certainly are not a “test” to our faith. They are challenges to our character. The type of person that we decide to be. Surviving horrors in life builds character. It may provide the horror writer for an overactive imagination and ideas for stories, but ultimately, it is meant to turn us into better people. Stronger people.

 

There are so many horrors in real life. So many horrors going on in the world. War, famine, genocide, murder, disease and devastation. On a local level, we have kidnappings, intruders in our homes, and school shootings. These horrible things are things we need to be brave enough to stand up against. These are all things we need to be strong enough to handle in a logical manner and fight without rest.

 

Facing and surviving our own personal horrors in our lives allows us to create that kind of bravery. It gives us the power to face those horrors square in the eye and say, “Not on my watch.”

 

Sure, we would ALL like to have a happy, horror-free life. Some people are even blessed with a life untouched by horror. But the reality is, horror happens, to all of us. There is no escaping real-life horror such as addiction, abductions, school shootings, life-threatening illnesses or injuries, and death. These can happen to anyone at any time of their lives. And when they happen, your only goal at that moment is to get out of it alive. Escape. Survive.

 

And when you do survive, don’t look back on it and grovel, “Why me?” Don’t look back and relive the nightmare of what you went through. Don’t allow it to live rent-free in your head.

 

Instead, look back and think only one thing: I survived. That’s right. It tried to kill me, but it didn’t. I showed it who is boss. I kicked its butt.

 

I made it out of that horror, and lived.

 

So live. Take that terrible thing from your past and embrace it, because it will only make you stronger. Strong enough to keep going and strong enough to fight the next horror when it will strike. And when it does, you’ll be able to face that horror, too. And do you know why? Because now you know you’ve got what it takes to deal with that horror and then, after the battle, walk away from it as an even stronger survivor.