When "hello" means "goodbye"

Jane Friedman posted in her "Electric Speed" newsletter on 2/1/25 about how she will normally ignore a message that just says "hello" or "hello Jane." She linked to a post someone made about this very thing, and why it can be so frustrating to those of us who are very busy and must be selective with how we spend our time online.

But she is not the only one who has expressed this concern. I have seen many posts on social media from other very busy writers or editors who feel the same way!

It is quite validating, actually.

And it reminded me of a blog post I wrote about this nearly three ago. I never put it up on the blog, though, because I thought it was rude and off-putting.

But, well, times being what they are, I think it should see the light of day.

Here it is!

 

"When 'hello' means 'goodbye'"

 

Being on the Internet means that I get a lot of emails, DMs and messages from people I don’t know online. Most of the time, the person I don’t know who is contacting me will usually state the reason why they are contacting me in their very first message. I have gotten messages from people asking me to include their resource on my website, sharing information about their book, requesting a copy of one of my books for some reason or another, or to see if I am interested in working with them on a project.

 

These are all very legit messages and I appreciate how the person sending me these messages don’t waste my time with trivialities like talking about the weather or what happened on their favorite TV show. Not only am I not interested in talking about these things, but I really don’t care. The time I spend online – and even on the computer – is limited. Therefore, I must be careful in how I spend that time.

 

In other words, I don’t want to WASTE any of that time.

 

And people who send me a message simply by saying “hello” or “hi” are, in fact, wasting my time. It’s nice people want to communicate and introduce themselves, but when it comes to people I don’t know, especially on the Internet, I want to know WHY they are actually contacting me. Cut to the chase! Get to the point! Don’t dance around boring introductions. Let me know why you are reaching out to me specifically.

 

Because, usually, if I get a message from someone I don’t know that just says “hello,” then I will ignore it. Why? I don’t do private conversations with people I don’t know. If you want to communicate with me, do so PUBLICLY – such as, on Twitter, on my blog or on Facebook. Don’t DM me. Don’t Instant Message me. And don’t waste an email just saying “hello” and that’s it. I won’t respond.

 

I get it that there are people who do this hoping to start a conversation with others, but, I’m sorry, I really don’t have time to chit chat with people I don’t know on the Internet. I am VERY busy and I am also VERY suspicious of strangers wanting to start up a conversation with me online. Been there, done that. Won’t do it again! Move along. There is nothing for you to see here – and you won’t get anything from me, either.

 

I am not on the Internet to fool around. I am not on the Internet to hook up with anyone. This girl is spoken for and NOT INTERESTED in anything sexual, romantic or even the possibility of romance. I have ZERO INTEREST in cheating on my husband and anyone who thinks otherwise will NOT be hearing from me. So don’t waste your time with me if that’s your intention.

 

All of this applies to people I do not know.

 

I follow friends and family on Twitter. I am connected with friends and family on Facebook and Instagram. If THEY reach out to me with a simple “hello,” then I WILL respond and see what’s up. (These people know I don’t like small talk and chatting and they know I usually don’t have the time to “shoot the wind” and just talk about whatever.) Also, when I am out in public, a lot of people will often say “hi” to me, and if I can, I say “hi” back.

 

But for strangers on the Internet? Forget it. Conversation won’t happen if all they do is say “hello.”

 

If someone I don’t know on the Internet wants to reach out to me with a request, a proposition, or to share information, then they need to put that into their very first message to me. Get to the point. Tell me straight off the bat WHY you are contacting me. Because if you don’t, then I won’t answer.