Car Conversations

 

Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

As someone who is profoundly deaf, I have discovered one thing: If I want to drive safely and effectively, I have to stay focused on what is ahead of me. This is what I learned when I was learning how to drive. I read lips in addition to relying on sign language, and so if I want to know what someone is saying, I have to look at them. 

 

This could spell disaster if I am driving, because that means taking my eyes off of the road. Not a good idea if I can’t hear anything! (Well, not a good idea, in general.) So I learned that the best thing to do when I am driving is to just stay focused on driving and not so much on having conversations while driving. 

 

The thing of it is, though, is that most hearing people like having conversations while in the car. I have noticed that drivers are often talking with passengers while driving, and that people who drive taxis will often chat with their fares. In fact, as an author, I have even heard the value of authors chatting with fares or with cab drivers just as a way to share that he/she has a book to sell. 

 

And, of course, movies and TV shows have many scenes of people having conversations while in the car. The hit show Supernatural comes to mind. 

 

But as for me, this kind of thing is unsafe to do, because I need to stay focused on the road in front of me (as well as what’s in my mirrors) while driving. But because talking while driving is such a huge thing in the hearing world, there have been many times I have had to stress to passengers that if I am driving, I cannot engage in conversations with them. I can’t keep looking away from the road to see what they are saying and looking back at the road. Those few minutes I take my eyes off the road when driving can result in a crash or worse. 

 

My kids have gotten used to this, although when they were toddlers, it was a different story. They often demanded my attention while I was driving and it was an ongoing struggle to let them know I had to pay attention to driving while I was driving. Fortunately, as they got older, they understood the importance of how I had to pay attention to driving rather than what they were trying to say to me. So most of the time, when I was driving them somewhere, we saved conversations until after I finished driving them somewhere. 

 

 That changed when it was someone else’s turn to be at the wheel. 

 

My youngest turns 16 this year, and he recently obtained his driver’s permit. For this reason, he has been driving every chance he gets. 

 

And, fortunately, he doesn’t need to look at me when he says something to me, because he can fingerspell all of the things that he says. And because I can speak, I can respond to what he signs to me with my voice. 

 

This means that, when I am the passenger, with him driving, we often engage in conversation using fingerspelling and voice. Sometimes he has had to repeat words if the sign is not facing me, but for the most part, we have been having a lot of conversations in the car while he has been driving. 

 

And it’s been great! 

 

Now I understand why so many hearing people enjoy talking with each other while in the car. There are some really interesting, revealing and insightful conversations that take place in the car while someone is driving. 

 

And now I’m glad I get to be a part of that, too, when I am not the one who is driving. And because fingerspelling only requires one hand, it’s not too difficult for it to be done. It does not interfere with the driver’s ability to have at least one hand on the wheel. At least both eyes are still on the road! 

 

I have also noticed how my kids will often engage in conversation when the youngest is driving and the oldest (21) is sitting up front. I have often observed how they will have conversations and many times they’ll either laugh together or appear to otherwise enjoy the conversation. It’s a real bonding moment for them. 

 

And I guess it’s a bonding moment for me too. 

 

When I was little, before I lost my hearing, I had many conversations with my mom while she drove me somewhere. We often shared secrets or had private conversations we could not otherwise have at home where there were six other kids and my dad to deal with. This was definitely a bonding moment for us and I recall these memories fondly. 

 

And one day, I will fondly look back on the many times I have been able to have car conversations with my youngest as well, when he as driving. I hope these moments will be happy memories for him to one day look back on, too.