Deaf Awareness Month: The Myths About Lipreading

 

Shortly after I became deaf, my parents knew we would have to figure out how this new communication barrier we were now faced with was going to change the way we communicated. I would no longer be able to hear anyone calling for me from another room and I could not communicate with them when they talked to me while having their face turned away. We knew perfectly well that, from that point forward, my deafness was going to change how everyone in the family communicated with me. (I was the only deaf person in the family.)

 

One thing they did was write things down. Nobody learned sign language right away; it was as though using sign language to communicate with me was a last resort. Because of this “no sign language” rule in our home, I didn’t learn sign language either. Communication was either via written notes or lipreading.

 

But mostly lipreading.

 

My parents really wanted me to use lipreading as a form of communication. “We live in a hearing world,” they said. So, I needed to learn how to read lips in order to communicate with others instead of relying on sign language. This was especially true after I got a hearing aid and was able to read lips better with the help of the voice sounds the hearing aid produced. (I had to stop wearing a hearing aid sometime after I gave birth to my first child because my inner ear became infected and it hurt too much to wear a hearing aid.) So, I went through life relying more on lipreading than on sign language for communicating with other people. (Later, my mom and siblings did learn some sign language and they also used fingerspelling.)

 

That worked until it didn’t.

 

With the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, A LOT of people I interacted with, especially at work, were wearing masks. With the masks on, I could no longer read lips. Thankfully, some people adapted to this change by typing what they said on their phones or by writing things down. For those who had my number, they would text me instead of attempting to talk – which was a plus if they were in another room.

 

Now there are not so many people wearing masks anymore. I am noticing a whole lot of people with masks off. And now I’m back to blissfully reading lips!

 

But I must say, being able to read lips does not mean perfect communication. Sometimes I miss words that are said or if the person has facial features such as a lip/tongue ring or a beard, then lipreading can be pretty hard!

 

There are two myths about lipreading. The first, that everyone who is deaf can read lips. And the second, that they can read lips perfectly.

 

But, believe me, after over 30 years of lipreading, mine is not a perfect ability!

 

For the first myth about lipreading, some people who are deaf may not be able to read lips. It is always better to ask, “Can you read lips?” (A good thing to do is to use your finger to circle your mouth when asking this question and have a questioning look on your face so that the Deaf person knows you are asking a question and that you are asking if they can read lips.)

 

For the second myth about lipreading – NO! Absolutely not. Not everyone who can read lips can do so perfectly.

 

When I read lips, sometimes, I am able to understand all the words that were said. However, there are other times when I will miss a word or two.

 

Lipreading is not perfect for everyone. Words are mostly understood, but sometimes other words will be missed. In her essay for The Atlantic, “How Masking Changed My Experience of Being Deaf,” Deaf writer Rachel Kolb explains, "Even for an experienced lipreader, certain bits of spoken English always wind up blurred or missing; some spoken words sail in through one eye and out the other. Lipreading involves plenty of guessing."

 

A lot of that guessing is done to help us figure out what words MIGHT have been said according to the words we already know that were said. Usually, if I can’t figure it out myself, I will ask. (Past experience has taught me the value of asking first instead of assuming what the missing word was! Trust me on this.) We also ponder what exactly we read on their lips to figure out the word. Sometimes, I do figure it out later, and not when I am reading the person’s lips.

 

One thing many Deaf people do is what’s known as “bluffing.” I am guilty of this. I have done this so many times! Bluffing is when we don’t understand what we just lipread, but we act like we did understand it. We nod, shrug or make some facial expression indicating we got what was said. Or we assume something was said and respond accordingly.

 

As you can guess, this has caused a lot of problems with people. They get angry because I didn’t respond to what EXACTLY they said (one person ended a friendship over this) or they are confused why I said one thing when they said something else entirely. Or I’ll act like I got what they said and they will want to know why I didn’t do what I agreed to do earlier.

 

It has happened so often, in fact, people aware of this with me often ask me “What did I say?” after communicating by lipreading or they ask me if I understood.

 

Because of the trouble this has gotten me into, I avoid bluffing. However, I understand why some Deaf people use bluffing whenever they trip over lipreading another person. Lipreading is hard and not everyone is able to read lips perfectly. Yet, what is harder is trying to communicate with hearing people in a way that is comfortable for them. People like to talk. They don’t want to have to write things down, slow down when they speak, ALWAYS have to look at a person when they speak to them or use sign language that also slows down their conversation.

 

In fact, I once knew someone who had doubts about communicating with me in person, because, they said, they preferred to walk and use their hands while talking.

 

People. Like. To. TALK! Especially hearing people.

 

Those of us who are deaf/HOH do try to accommodate this communication preference by reading lips, but not all of us are able to read lips. Not all of us can read lips. And not all of us WANT to read lips.

 

Sometimes, lipreading is not how the Deaf wish to communicate. Personally, I prefer fingerspelling. Thankfully, some hearing people I know have learned how to fingerspell in order to communicate with me. (And those people are AWESOME!)

 

If you don’t know sign language, then it’s a good idea to first ask if the Deaf person can read lips. If that’s not going to work, then please find some other way to communicate with us. We DO want to be included and we DO want to communicate. We want to have that connection with other people and be a part of the conversation. So please find a way to make it happen. Write on a white board, on a piece of paper, use a word processor on a laptop, use Notes on your phone, text or use the speech-to-text app. Just please find a way to communicate with a Deaf person if lipreading is not an option. Because sometimes, lipreading isn’t an option.