Choosing love

 

If there is one thing that has definitely tested me in life, it’s my perception about love. Mostly, how I interpret it. For the longest time, I was always trying to typify the love I felt for people. Like “I love him like a brother” or “I love her like a sister.” “I love them as a friend” or “I love them more than the whole world” (and that’s usually a sentiment reserved for my kids!).

 

But on this, my birthday, I was given a special gift: The knowledge that it’s time to stop sticking my love for someone into a category. And also, that it is perfectly okay for me to love someone who does not love me in return. It is okay to love someone who hates me and says terrible things about me behind closed doors. It is okay to love someone who has hurt me in a way that I struggled to forgive them for for years. And it is okay to love someone who thinks that nobody could possibly love them at all. It’s okay for me to love someone who does not love me in the same way. On top of this, I also feel it is okay to love someone that everybody else hates, and it’s okay to love someone who I no longer have any contact with at all.

 

Basically, what I have realized is, it’s okay to love everyone and anyone! Love does not need to be conditional. It does not need to be sexualized, perverted or twisted into some dark ideal. It does not need to be judgmental or political. It just needs to be shared and given freely.

 

Love needs to be just love, plain and simple. It can be a pure force sending out something good and positive to other people.

 

I once came across a quote by Martin Luther King, Jr.: “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” At the time I saw this quote, I was mentally screaming, “Fuck love!” Loving others has hurt me in the past. I was bitter and angry because I was not getting the kind of love in my marriage that I wanted to receive. I was angry because people I trusted and loved had betrayed that trust and in doing so, caused pain. I was angry because I loved people and they only ended up hurting me and I kept thinking that my love for them didn’t mean anything at all. It wasn’t worth holding onto. It wasn’t worth keeping. It wasn’t worth defending. It wasn’t worth fighting for.

 

But I am now at a point in life where I understand just how heavy of a burden that hate really is. I have let go of all of that anger and hate. Hate is a weight that is constantly on our shoulders, pushing us down. When we have that hate burning within us, it is hard to see the good in others. It is hard to truly embrace all of the wonderful things that life has to offer. And when we feel only hate towards others, we end up feeling remorse after they are gone and there’s no way to find our love for them again.

 

I also understand that even as some people may warp their perception of love and see it as something that it is not, it is still okay to feel love towards them. I will not be afraid to love. I love people in a completely platonic way; there is nothing corrupted about my love for them at all. I am not like that. My love for others is innocent and completely safe because it will not judge or push away just because someone is different from me.

 

I know there are people who may try to get me to hate them or dislike them. They may try to do things to get on my bad side or cause me to feel pain. I will no longer allow these feelings to take hold within my heart. I shun them. I only care about love and positivity. I love my friends. I love my family. And I love my spouse. I love the people who love me and the ones who don’t.

 

The world is already full of too much hate. It is full of too much negativity and pain. The world needs more love. And I think I will start giving more of that love, because hate no longer has a place within my heart. Only love.