Why I Didn't Blog About My 3-Year Soberversary

A soberversary – or, the anniversary of when I got sober – is definitely cause for celebration. For my first one, I took the day off work and celebrated with my family. Becoming sober was definitely something to celebrate, because it was literally my second chance at life. I came out of that hospital in 2017 feeling like an entirely different person. Like I was “reborn” or something. (I guess a 72-hour fast and not drinking for 3 days after I was drinking EVERY day had something to do with it.) So, yeah, it is definitely a special occasion for me. I blogged about it when year 2 came around and, at that time, I started to wonder if I would be blogging about it every time it rolled around every year.

 

Well, now I have my answer! This year, I did not blog about Year 3. Yes, it was important and definitely a special occasion, but I just could not holler about it from the rooftops – or write the blog post.

 

I couldn’t do it because, well, it’s 2020. I witnessed something akin to the freaking apocalypse happening all around us and I also witnessed many people crumble under the weight of it.

 

Unless you have been living under a rock all year, you would know that 2020 has been a bad year. The COVID-19 virus struck and killed hundreds of thousands of people worldwide. Society blew up with riots, looting and violence after the injustice of Black people being murdered at the hands of police. Natural disasters wreaked havoc and killed people everywhere. And while some animals thrived, many became endangered or extinct. Thousands of people lost their jobs, their homes and even loved ones. Kids were no longer able to go to school and MANY friendships, social routines and academic levels suffered from it. A lot of businesses shut down because of COVID-19 restrictions imposed on them hurting them financially and made it impossible for them to stay open.  

 

Some good things still happened this year. Our tattered environment started to heal. New species of animals were discovered. Achievements in space travel were made. And a vaccine against the virus was developed and released.

 

But 2020 has been a really bad year. And a lot of people suffered because of it. Our lives were turned upside down and social connections were strained.

 

And, unfortunately, many people who had come so far on their journey towards beating addiction or personal demons ended up losing the strength to keep fighting. I saw MANY posts on Facebook and Twitter from people who started smoking again, drinking again, or committing self-harm. In these posts, they shared how they couldn’t handle the stress anymore. They felt guilty for relapsing but had really been unable to keep going.

 

And my heart went out to all of them. I really felt bad for them.

 

And I also felt guilty, because, no matter how tempted I have been this year to drink again, I did not do it. I was VERY CLOSE to giving in one day, but I forced myself to STOP. I reminded myself of how far I had come, all the progress I have made, and how VERY disappointed my kids would be should I start drinking again. I also had to remember that, shortly after I stopped drinking, they stopped their own negative behaviors too. (Unfortunately, I cannot share information about that, because it’s private information and I do not have their permission.) Going back to my own negative behavior would mean they might go back to theirs, and I didn’t want that to happen. It was like my sobriety was holding everything in balance.

 

And I felt like blogging about Year 3 would be like a slap in the face to all of those people who could not stay the course. It didn’t feel right for me to go around screaming “I’M STILL SOBER!” after knowing about so many people who were no longer in that group too. Yes, I am proud of myself for getting this far. I am THRILLED I have gotten this far. But I didn’t want to make a bad situation worse for anyone who went back to their old ways. I just didn’t want to cause that kind of pain.

 

But, yes, I stayed sober this year. I made it to Year 3. It was hard, of course, especially with everything that has happened this year. The year 2020 has REALLY put my sobriety to the test. I am glad I passed it. Here’s to going into 2021 still sober!