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My Story: My Suicide Attempt

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  (Note: This is an excerpt from a memoir I am writing. Certain passages have been removed for brevity. Certain names have been changed to protect the identity of individuals.)   My sisters and I often headed out to the mall after school. One store we always went to was Waldenbooks. I remember how I’d walk into Waldenbooks with empty hands then walk out carrying a stack of books I bought. Well, it was at Waldenbooks where I met Jake. Jake worked at Waldenbooks and it wasn’t long before he caught my eye.   Unfortunately, I learned that Jake was 21 years older than me!   Still, my heart fell for him hard. We started talking on the phone for hours then we got to a point where I was often at his apartment. However, because of our age difference, Jake tried to keep things platonic. The problem was, neither of us could keep our hands off of each other, and at one point we almost went all the way. Jake, however, put a stop to things. He insisted that we just be friends. I was in l
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The Things That I “didn’t get around to doing” Are the Things I REALLY Need to Get Around To Doing!

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  Yesterday was my seventh soberversary. Being as excited as I was about it being the seventh year I was sober, I planned to tell everyone and post about it everywhere. I even pictured myself telling the clerk at the store that I was now seven years sober!   But I didn’t go anywhere yesterday, so I didn’t tell anyone who I saw while I was out. I just didn’t get around to going out.   And I didn’t post my picture about it on LinkedIn, because I just didn’t get around to it. (I was also going to write a blog post about it but I didn’t get around to that, either! Eh, I said what I needed to say about it in my Facebook comments.)   I keep thinking about that today. There are lots of things that, lately, I have not gotten around to doing that I REALLY need to do.   Like writing an article for a website that I write articles for. I keep turning this idea over in my head! Even on the day that I was wearing the T-shirt for this website, I was confident that was the day I’d wr
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Turning over a new leaf

Today is the first day of Fall. It’s my favorite season and I’m excited about getting just a bit closer to being able to put up all of my Halloween decorations. Now that I have my hallway back, I can bring back the Hall of Horrors! Yay!   But this new cycle of the year is not just about that or even about the return of the Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks. Though all of that is nice!   No, the reason for this blog post is that I had something happen recently, and with a message I received today, it really made me think!   As part of getting sober, I make it a point to do the things that I need to do in order to make peace with my past. This includes shadow work, exposure therapy, meditation and journaling. These things help me to come to terms with a lot of bad stuff that happened in my past. I will often remember the bad things that I did and once again fall into a pattern of self-loathing and insecurity. No matter how much I try to remind myself that I am not that person
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A reminder to start small

Several months ago, I decided that one of my fitness goals would be to run in a race and NOT come in last. Because that’s exactly what happened when I ran in a race while participating in cross country at a high school I attended (Monta Vista High School – just one of the high schools I attended!). Even though my coach was with me at the time and everybody was still excited and happy that I had completed the 5K run, I still felt bad that I came in last. That really sucked! And as part of my “new life” in sobriety, I not only wanted to make physical fitness a part of my daily life, but I also wanted to set some goals. I’m a goal-setter! It's not enough just to do something; I have to set a goal for it!   So, yeah, running in a race became that goal.   So I asked my doctor (my PCP) if I could start running again. She said yes, and to start small. She told me I had to go slow at first and I took this to mean short sprints while I was out on my walks.   But when I started t
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